I hate when people are like, “Oh, I’m going to raise a kid now, tee hee!” and I’m like, “Uh… RETARD DETECTED! DERP!!!!” Seriously, if you don’t think you’re going to do a retarded job, then you truly are retarded. Anyone who thinks they are a great parent and takes a lot of pride in that is probably an idiot. It’s like, you DO realize your child is eventually going to die of anal aids, painfully and horribly, and it’s all your fault for creating them, right?
I thought of this because I was watching the American The Office the other day, which is a show about romantic relationships. And Jim and Pam were being all faggy about getting the best daycare for their child or whatever, and being all excited and shit. It’s like, hey, you guys are retarded.
I also think the Jim and Pam relationship shit is kind of retarded. What’s with these promotional pictures of them together that aren’t even part of the show. It’s like, you know that these people aren’t actually getting married, don’t you Mr. Photographer? Why are you making them do this? Don’t you think this makes them feel kind of retarded? I hope my wedding isn’t like this. And by wedding, I mean The Office-themed masturbation session, where I masturbate to all the relationship drama scenes. I think someone should make a compilation of every unfunny relationship drama moment from The Office for all 9 seasons. And in Season 1 or whatever, I’ll just watch these scenes where Jenna Fischer is talking to her faggoty failure boyfriend who works DOWNSTAIRS like a RETARD, and Jim just looks at the camera all sad. I will blast my load all over my television screen onto Jim’s face.