Star Trek: Into Darkness Review

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The plot of this movie is that this woman’s intergalatic pubes enslave the fagaxy.  And they need handsome young men to come along and take a big cleveland steamer shit on her chest.  She then proceeds to vomit semen into the men’s anuses.  Then it cuts to a flashback to Super 8, where the kid is dildoing the giant Alien, and saying, “I know we a go through hard times sometimes.”  The alien cries and of course uses his own tears as lube.  Then the Star Trek Enterprise crashes into a space-wall, which ends up being a giant robot’s asshole.  The robot then farts and the galaxy is destroyed.  It is left up to interpretation whether or not the crew could be surviving in an alternate plane of reality.

The main problem with this movie is that the woman has a really purple vagina.  The guys have purple dicks, but that is at least normal.  But I have a problem when her vegina does that thing where it activates the warp gate and the interstellar space drive malfunctions because her pubes get stuck in the machinery.  I think it’s pretty obvious to everyone to get their pubes out of the god damn warp drive before you turn it on.  The problem is, none of the characters even know what “pubes” means because they speak Spanish.  I was a little pissed off no one told me the movie was going to be in Spanish.  In conclusion, I would rather have a dog prolapse all over my face than watch this movie again.  4/10

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