Severe Anal Autism(R)

If you need evidence of some severe Anal Autism(R), look no further than this fag who wrote about Git.  What is Git?  In short, it’s Shit.  Turbo Anal Shit. It is a computer program written by people with Anal Autism(R) designed to help you keep track of your files.  So what’s wrong with it?

First off, everything about it is retarded.  Let’s say you want to back up your files.  What do you do?  The answer is that you need to enter a series of commands that always end in the phrase “origin master” and “head +1 -Upperscore Root HEAD –HARD”.  I mean, isn’t that obvious?  Are you some kind of retard?  The people who wrote the program are mad that they have no friends and because their dicks have disintegrated from masturbating 400,000 times per month their entire lives, even while they were fetuses.  In fact, only while they were fetuses, because after that, their dicks came off in eutero and were crapped out during their mom’s period.  Wait, you have periods while you’re pregnant, right?  Ok, right, just making sure.  And by eutero, I mean poopero, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, the point is that when they got crapped out of their mom’s vagina, their parents didn’t know what gender they were supposed to be.  Their parents were like, “EUUEUGHEGUEGH, WHAT?” and they just shit their pants.  So the doctor was like, “You fags…” and stabbed the baby fetus in the back of the head with a pair of scissors.  This caused the baby to receive Anal Autism(R).  Ever since that day, these people have never been able to figure out why there were so lonely and had such low self esteem.  Could it be because they have no social skills because they spent their entire life on a computer typing “sudo master /.git head –Hard” only to spend 16 hours figuring out that it was actually “–Hard –Boner”?  No, nothing wrong with their lifestyle, nothing at all.  Regardless, they are angry at the world.  Or they are just stupid.  Who really knows.

I bet these people get home from work after someone looks at them and smiles, and they shit their pants and almost choke on their own smelly fat flakes of skin that are up their butt or something, and they’re like, “EUEUGHUEGU I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN THIS SITUATION BECAUSE I HAVE SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE BEING SUCH A NIGGER!” and then the person looks at them awkwardly and they cry and shit their pants and then they get home and fall to their knees at scream at the ceiling, “REVERT MASTER HEAD GIT PUSH MASTER ORIGINNN!!!!!” but they can’t revert real life, because it doesn’t work that way.  And then they find a random keyboard that isn’t plugged into anything and keep mashing CTRL+Z and screaming “UNDOO, UNDO!!! REVERT MASTER ORIGIN HEAD PUSH –HARD!!!!” but they can’t undo their mistakes.  Their life cannot be organized anally like a computer program.  And that is the folly of Anal Autism(R).

Anal Mind Dump (AMD) #1

a world where time works in reverse and feelings are felt in reverse.  aka man walks backwards to toilet, sits down, and shit flies up his asshole, but they dread the feeling of being empty and love the feeling of being full of shit.

 

the short film about guy whose torso prolapses and head crushes and his mouth is trying to fit out his asshole.  when intenstine flaps in front of alligotor mouth it snaps at intenstine, eventually bites it, and intestine part flies back out of intestines and makes a fart noise when hitting the ground

 

dream starts with “mommy nooo” and is about him facefucking his own mom with a dildo attached to his ass.  he poops on her while she dies.  then he wakes up from his dream and rubs his eyes.  he sighs and poops the bed.  then he wraps up the poop in his sheet and starts swinging it around.  he swings it through his legs and it hits him in the ass or dick, which makes him jizz and/or fart .

then he lubes up his michael jordan dildo and attaches it to his desk chair.  he rolls his wrists and his neck like a faggot getting ready for a fight and slowly inserts the dildo before logging into nba.com or youtube comment section or forums and talks about how lebron is not yet in the conversation as michael jordan.

 

Mathematical genius

I hate when you’re reading a book about some sort of mathematical genius guy, and it always starts out like, “Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been fascinated by numbers.”  It’s like, yeah, you know what I’ve always been fascinated by?  My DICK.  But did I write a book about it?  Not yet.

Short story about ice cream truck

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I stood outside on the street when I heard an ice cream truck noise.

“Ice cream!  I cream cone!” I screamed.

I ran into the middle of the road until the truck stopped.  Then I ran around to the side.  There was an overweight 40-something Hispanic woman serving ice cream in the back.  She gave me the ice cream, and I decided to shove it up my asshole.  I made an effort to maintain eye contact through the process of paying and unzipping my pants.  “Cold!  Cold!” I screamed.

Star Trek: Into Darkness Review

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The plot of this movie is that this woman’s intergalatic pubes enslave the fagaxy.  And they need handsome young men to come along and take a big cleveland steamer shit on her chest.  She then proceeds to vomit semen into the men’s anuses.  Then it cuts to a flashback to Super 8, where the kid is dildoing the giant Alien, and saying, “I know we a go through hard times sometimes.”  The alien cries and of course uses his own tears as lube.  Then the Star Trek Enterprise crashes into a space-wall, which ends up being a giant robot’s asshole.  The robot then farts and the galaxy is destroyed.  It is left up to interpretation whether or not the crew could be surviving in an alternate plane of reality.

The main problem with this movie is that the woman has a really purple vagina.  The guys have purple dicks, but that is at least normal.  But I have a problem when her vegina does that thing where it activates the warp gate and the interstellar space drive malfunctions because her pubes get stuck in the machinery.  I think it’s pretty obvious to everyone to get their pubes out of the god damn warp drive before you turn it on.  The problem is, none of the characters even know what “pubes” means because they speak Spanish.  I was a little pissed off no one told me the movie was going to be in Spanish.  In conclusion, I would rather have a dog prolapse all over my face than watch this movie again.  4/10

Raising Kids is Retarded

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I hate when people are like, “Oh, I’m going to raise a kid now, tee hee!” and I’m like, “Uh… RETARD DETECTED! DERP!!!!” Seriously, if you don’t think you’re going to do a retarded job, then you truly are retarded. Anyone who thinks they are a great parent and takes a lot of pride in that is probably an idiot. It’s like, you DO realize your child is eventually going to die of anal aids, painfully and horribly, and it’s all your fault for creating them, right?

I thought of this because I was watching the American The Office the other day, which is a show about romantic relationships. And Jim and Pam were being all faggy about getting the best daycare for their child or whatever, and being all excited and shit. It’s like, hey, you guys are retarded.

I also think the Jim and Pam relationship shit is kind of retarded.  What’s with these promotional pictures of them together that aren’t even part of the show.  It’s like, you know that these people aren’t actually getting married, don’t you Mr. Photographer?  Why are you making them do this?  Don’t you think this makes them feel kind of retarded?  I hope my wedding isn’t like this.  And by wedding, I mean The Office-themed masturbation session, where I masturbate to all the relationship drama scenes. I think someone should make a compilation of every unfunny relationship drama moment from The Office for all 9 seasons.  And in Season 1 or whatever, I’ll just watch these scenes where Jenna Fischer is talking to her faggoty failure boyfriend who works DOWNSTAIRS like a RETARD, and Jim just looks at the camera all sad.  I will blast my load all over my television screen onto Jim’s face.

Retarded Commecials

There is a commercial for something, I don’t know what, and I hope I never find out, that starts, “We believe. We believe in–” OK… just stop right there. Do you think I’m fucking retarded? Do you? I know you don’t believe in shit other than making money. You don’t give a fuck about anything that could actually benefit anyone other than your own fat fucking face. You cunt.  Go back to dildoing yourself, Mr. CEO, and stop pretending you actually believe in anything other than Allah and how he’s going to make you a bunch of money if you suck his big black dick.